He said a lot of things about language, and I take away two important points from his work. 1. Language shapes the way we think. 2. Language shapes our culture.
An example of this is to consider how far you live from your school or the workplace. Take a minute to think about that. I'll wait...
Did you come up with an answer?
So, how far do you live from school or the workplace?
Many people I know answer something along the lines of 5 minutes, 10 minutes, about an hour and so on and so forth.
Being from NY, I not surprised that when I ask people how far they live from their school or workplace that they answer in time and not in distance. Time seems to be quite important in NY. We even have our own NY minute! This is just an example of how our words can be very telling about what we value individually as well as culturally. It also is telling about how we individually and culturally think.
So with this in mind, I wonder what our language is saying about how we think and feel about males and females.
On one hand, I have heard the word girl often used in place of the word woman when describing an adult woman.
On the other hand, I have heard people tell boys to act like a man, man-up, and be a "real" man. I have also heard people tell a boy that he is now the "man of house." Have you heard these same phrases? What do you think they mean?
So, in America, in 2012, if I were to say, "Yo! He's the Man!" what do you think that means?
Just like most movies, men do all the talking in this video. However, in this video, they are speaking about dating and domestic violence. From politicians to sports heroes, men are standing up against dating and domestic violence. Check it out and let me know what you think via email or comment below.
On June 9th, 2012, my son, Blair, graduated with his Associates Degree in Culinary
Arts from Monroe College, Bronx Campus. I am so proud of his work and
accomplishments.
The weather was blissfully sunny with a gentle breeze, and the elegant ceremony was held at the Jacob Javit's Conference Center in Manhattan.
Earlier that morning, I remember getting dressed in my suit and tie and telling my son how handsome he looked in his suit. We then met up with my dear family friend, Uncle John, who normally wears jeans and t-shirts. When we met up with John in the Village, Blair and I were both surprised to see him dressed in a navy blue suit and matching tie! This was the first time I can recall seeing John in a suit since the early 90's.
Blair's Graduation Video:
We grabbed a quick lunch at Cab Caliente and then headed towards 35th street
for the ceremony. Once there, I lost track of my son as he disappeared into the
crowd of other graduates lining up for official pictures and directions.
John and I were alone now, alone in a crowd of people. There we noticed other families and friends of
graduates with their phone cameras and camcorders. More importantly, we couldn’t help but notice the
difference in dress between the men and women.
This got me thinking. What is it about gendered fashion?
It seems men and women must adhere to a different set of rules. Most of the
men in the audience were in their men’s uniform, including suits, ties, jeans,
and button down shirts, and usually solid and dark colors. Some would adorn
their necks with low hanging chains or their wrists with glistening watches. A varied few would sport a fashionably styled
hat or even baseball cap.
And even though the female uniform was similar, in that bling was a must on
the wrist and neck, there was a significant difference in wardrobe from that of
men. Women in the audience wore short
skirts and dresses that were mostly brightly colored and with floral prints. The rule seemed to be to make sure everyone can view their long legs, made even
longer with heels that were several inches high. And although many men wore jeans and a baseball cap, no woman was without a skirt or dress and their hair done-up!
Interestingly, I heard several of the men
complaining about their female partners walking too slowly. In fact, after the
ceremony, I heard one guy say to his female partner that she’d better hurry up,
or he would leave her behind! Oh, and the
woman in question was a graduate.
I remember waking up that morning, getting dressed in 15 minutes and felt only excitement
for my son's graduation. I wonder what I
might have been feeling if I were this woman. Maybe I would feel pressured to fix my hair, shave my legs, and
wear something that was revealing only to be harrassed about taking so much time in the house, then later chastized for walking too slowly in my heels.
I am grateful for my privilege as a man that I don't have to wear heels. But as you can see in the picture to the right, I have worn heels before. My son and I particpated in an event last year to support a domestic violence shelter where we collectively raised over $500 for Berks Women in Crisis.
This past Saturday, in Reading, PA, other men learned how it felt to walk in heels as they participated
in “Walk a Mile in Her Shoes.” As a male
ally, if you haven’t walked in heels, I urge you to consider it before you get
annoyed at someone in heels for walking slow.
My son, the college graduate, and I have worn heels and we are both better for it! Perhaps if more men wore heels, women might not be pressured so much to wear them and walk faster!
Yesterday,
I got my hair cut at the local barber on Jerome Avenue in the Bronx, adjacent
to the 4 Train. While waiting, I was thinking that women have it much easier as they don't have to get their hair cut as often. The cut cost me 10 bucks and I tipped the barber with an extra
$2. As
I left the barber shop, I wondered if a typical haircut for women cost about
the same. After a quick internet search, I learned from Cosmothat
prices range from $21 to $400!
Yikes! Add to that, the various products that are required to keep up that do,
I am glad that I am man as I don't think I could afford to be a woman!
I
can remember when I was a kid that my mom used to make me go with her to the
beauty shop where she would get a perm. For her, this was part of her beauty
routine. For me, this was a torture to my sense of smell. The odors from perms
made me nauseous and gag.
Being
Chinese, I often wondered why my mom would want to curl her beautifully
straight hair. And I was more confused when I learned that some women who had
loose or really tight curls permed their hair to make it straight like my
mother's natural hair, although there is a trend to transition to more natural
styles. (Watch the video or read more about that in the NY Times.)
I
then remember my mom paying lots of money for her perm. On average a perm job
could cost from $25 to $250. In addition to
financial costs, a perm can rack up costs in other ways. It can also be harsh
on the hair as it could cause hair to become brittle or break. A perm can also
be painful as it can burn the scalp. And as a little boy, who was dragged to the
beauty salon, it cost me valuable play time and it made me literally sick.
So
all these costs just to style the follicles on top of one’s head makes me confused. If
the average woman makes .77 to theaverage man's dollar, how is it that she is also required to pay much
more for something as simple as a haircut?
And
it doesn't just stop there. What about the cost of make-up and other
"beauty" supplies? What about her wardrobe and matching shoes? And
don't forget the purse!
Have
you ever wondered why most clothes made for women are bereft of pockets. This
anti-pocket over slim and tight fashion requires her to carry her valuables
(keys, wallet, money, phone, etc.) in a pocketbook, thus leaving her more
vulnerable to thievery. If someone wanted to steal my wallet, he or she would
have to wrestle me to get into my pants pockets (Creepy!). However, for the
typical women, the thief could just grab her pocketbook where all her valuables
are contained and run for the proverbial hills!
And
pocketbooks cost a pretty penny as well! They can cost 20 bucks a pop for an
inexpensive bag, and according to Forbes, they can run up to $37,000 for something a little more upscale. Whew!
Again, I am very much glad to be a man, as I don’t think I can afford to pay
for all of these things let alone have to stress whether or not my bag matched
my outfit or have to remember where I last left it!
So, from expensive haircuts to perms and purses, why
would someone pay for that (Ms.) treatment?
This
makes me wonder about the beauty and ad industry. How does a person learn to
not only take this kind of treatment, but pay for it?
Jean
Kilbourne has some ideas about that and has been talking about this for 40
years. Check out the 5 minute video below.
So
the next time I complain about women having it easier, please remind me that
that is only an illusion. And if you think they have it easier, perhaps I can
remind you, that illusion, comes at a cost!
As always, feedback in comments or questions are always welcome. Please post below or email me.
So, on Thursday morning, this feminist drove his tired self from the concrete Boogie Down BX to the lush and green Reading, PA to meet with some amazing activists at Camp PeaceWorks, a project of Berks Women in Crisis.
While there, we talked about creating change from within by uncovering our truths and encouraging others to find theirs.
We did an activity called "The Clearing" that I learned from Easton Mountain, which they borrowed from Cafe Gratitude in CA.
On the other hand, I have heard people tell boys to act like a man, man-up, and be a "real" man. I have also heard people tell a boy that he is now the "man of house." Have you heard these same phrases? What do you think they mean? 
