Monday, July 9, 2012

Strong Enough for a Man...

Photo by: Chris Kunz
Warning: This post challenges norms and may include some sexual and corny content!


As a boy, I was told by many adults that I needed to be strong. My thin arms and frail frame quivered at the notion of having to emit strength. However, over and over and over again, I would get the message that I needed to one day grow to be a strong man. I got this message not only in my personal circles, but also when I went to school as well as when I went food shopping at the Grand Union in Eastchester with my sister.

I remember on the checkout lines I would be face to face with "real" men; men in magazines that were the epitome of strength. They each exhibited strength which was masked in three ways:

1. Lots of money (displayed in clothes or cars)

2. Lots of physical strength (displayed in muscles or sports activities)

3. Lots of sex appeal (displayed by having women around them)

So it became clear to me at an early age that being a strong man meant that I had to have money, muscles, and many women around me.

Today, although I work-out rarely, own only one car (a beat up Honda Civic Hybrid with 124,568 miles on it), and find myself usually in the company of many men, I am proud to say I am a strong man. Using what I learned as a boy, I define my strength is as follows:

1. Lots of money
I choose carefully where to spend my money. I try to buy second hand items in thrift stores when I can. This allows me to recycle as well as keep my debts low. Also, and even more excitingly, for the last two years, I have been spending my money on my foster/adoptive son! We have used money to create experiences and new stories that we continue to share with each other.

2. Lots of physical strength
I dance almost every week at the Big Apple Ranch.  Also, I walk for miles and miles!  And again, even more strikingly cool, I know how to express all my various emotions including crying in public!

3. Lots of sex appeal
As an adult, I have had sex with people (mostly men) with whom I feel a connection to, not just an erection for.  I also have been cultivating more and more compassion, and thus feel more connected to many more people regardless of gender: male, female, and genderqueer.

These are just three ways I find my strength as a man. And because I have yet to see this type of strength in the magazines on the checkout lines, I am convinced this strength is not "popular," but also I know it is not uncommon.

How do you exhibit your strength as a person? Please post a comment below or on my FB page.

Oh, and it turns out, as a man who has had sex with men - apparently, I am strong enough for a man! ;-)










1 comment:

  1. First, I love your super hero picture. So handsome and strong.
    Secondly, I think that I measure my strength in my capacity to be compassionate and loving. Also by my ability to take care of myself and build my life. Also in being out and open about being gay because sometimes, it ain't easy and can be dangerous.

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