Thursday, August 15, 2013

Black Feminists: Won't You Be My Neighbor?

One of my neighbors learned recently that I adopted two 22 year old black men who are living with me.  I mentioned that my second "child," who just moved in had to adjust to so many things as I am vegan and a feminist.

She sent me a thoughtful and lengthy email, which included a video link to a discussion about Black Feminists.  I think she was concerned and confused.  Below this is part of the email I wrote her after painfully listening to the hour long video.  Please let me know what you think.

The video she sent me is: http://youtu.be/8mJMjIHmsZ8
Quote from the Tariq Nasheed:
"You are a black woman, but you are a feminist."

Please brace yourself before you watch it.

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Portion of the email I sent her:

I had a difficult time listening to Tariq as he started his show being verbally abusive towards a woman and perpetuated misogynistic perspectives from a "Man up" lens.

Feminism is not about men and women treating each other badly.  Feminism, as you know, is about the strive for equality for both men and women on an institutional, interpersonal and internalized level.  Domestic and Dating Violence or simply unhealthy relationships is only one part of the issue.  Tony Porter does a great job speaking about DV. He speaks eloquently about these issues and helped open my eyes to learning about how race impacts dating violence.   Please check him out using this link:   http://www.youtube.com/results?search_query=tony+porter&oq=tony+porter&gs_l=youtube.3..35i39j0i5.339606.341252.0.341417.11.11.0.0.0.0.116.752.10j1.11.0...0.0...1ac.1.11.youtube.2SN93NHZwp4

I do appreciate Tariq's ability to stay neutral with his callers as well as challenge them to think more critically about the issues.  He clearly is interested in helping people, and that is commendable.  However, I find his sexist language unchecked and sometimes quite offensive. 

To my mind, he is certainly doing good work on race relations, but I imagine he can think more about the sexist and heterosexism and transphobic paradigm he continues to perpetuate unintentionally.  Feminism is not about being less of a man, but being more.  I don't wear dresses or kilts and I have not asked my boys to do the same.  What I do is ask them to do is reconsider what it means to be a man. 

Being a feminist is not about being feminine, gay or simply standing up for women.  Being a feminist is about standing up for human rights.  Many of Tariq's underlying themes relate to social justice and equality.  So, I would submit that if Tariq learned more about feminism, sexual orientation (hetero and homo- sexualities), he would probably be a more effective leader.  He might even identify as a feminist, like President Obama does.  Based on this link, it appears he is in denial of his homophobia and transphobia.  He labeled a perspective as a lesbian perspective, when that is not the case.  He continues to say "sexual preference" when it is "sexual orientation."  These are some examples of why I think he could do well to learn a little more about LGBT issues as well as what the true meaning of feminism.

Tariq said, "Black feminism is an oxymoron."  I don't understand what he means.  He is misinformed, albeit well intentioned.  I hope he continues, as I have, to learn about social justice and the ways pop culture portrays feminism,  and racism in juxtaposition with actual feminism and racism.  A black feminist is a man or woman or child who identifies as black and is interested in equal rights for all people.  It used to be that a feminist was only interested in creating equal rights for men and women, but that was a long time ago.  Feminism is about equal rights for all.

I so appreciate you sharing this video/link with me as it helped me think through more of the positions people take when they have only part of the story.  I look forward to seeing how Tariq continues in his journey of helping people, as his heart and spirit is certainly well intentioned and we need more people like him.

And, you probably already know this, but I have found that many people confuse feminism and being
feminine.  Feminism, as previously discussed is a movement for equality for all, (though many defnitions still incorrectly state that it is in particular for women). 

Being feminine is different.  Femininity is about the traits generally associated with being a woman or a girl including roles and behaviors.  Of course, some men and women are feminine, but that doesn't mean they are feminists and vice versa.  Some feminists have long hair, wear dresses, make up and the like, while many, especially the men, don't. 

I think of it in this way.  Feminist = Equality while Feminine = Dress Up.  Some people who fight for equality do dress up, but not all.  Some people who dress up fight for equality, but not all.  AND many men who are feminists are quite masculine and butch.  And of course, a few women who are feminists can be masculine and butch as well.

Please check out the following videos about Feminism, Race and Masculinity:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=p7woNwM4_J8 - Condoleezza Rice: My Father was  Feminist
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3YA13GNT8Mc  - This is What a Feminist Looks Like
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hg3umXU_qWc - We Should All Be Feminists
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nOQZqCGHctE - I Am a Man: Black Masculinity in America
http://www.itvs.org/films/hip-hop - Intro to Hip Hop: Beyond Beats and Rhymes
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OKq0MwnMGcU&list=PLCC77DC92A01D4A41 - Gloria Steinem Supports President Obama
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3exzMPT4nGI - Tough Guise: Violence, Media, and the Crisis in Masculinity

Sunday, August 11, 2013

Can You See Me Now?

I entered the D train to head into Manhattan for some dancing and fun.  As I checked the subway map, I accidentally bumped into the person behind me.  I didn't see him there, so I apologized.  He nodded a polite smile at me.  When I sat down, I  realized he was standing in the same spot while holding a cardboard sign.  He wore a grey tshirt with the American flag on it and what appeared to be a heavy bag on his back.  He cleared his throat as if it had been dry for years except for the bitter tears that sometimes trickled in by accident.  Looking at the passengers on the train, he apologized for interrupting and intruding on his fellow citizens' time.  He continued to speak, though I could hardly hear him through the headphones tucked neatly into my freshly showered ears.  I watched his lips and body move.  He expressed himself humbly with intent on asking for the generosity of strangers.  

As he spoke, I watched the various subway riders in the car. There were about 25 people, excluding me, looking down at their phones, books or feet.  It felt as though the severity of his case was too heavy for people to lift their eyes to gaze upon him, but  I looked.  

His face appeared kind and sunken.  The stubble on his face were sparse and spaced apart like the luck he had seen in his life.  The tight curls of his dark hair clung closely to his scalp like the way a child clusters close to his family.  His smile seemed genuine though forced through hours, days, weeks or years of hardship.  

I felt moved to want to hear what he had to say, so I removed one of my ear buds and lowered the volume of the bubbly music I chose for this subway ride.  I caught one line out of his short plea.  He said, " I've been walking for miles today trying to get some money to buy food and thought I might have better luck on the train." He then thanked us and scanned the train for some activity of generosity.  A woman in the middle of the car wrestled in her bright red Prada bag for something.  

With hope in his eyes, he continued to do what he had been doing all day and walked with a slight limp over to his benefactor. His shifty gait made me look at his legs and then his feet.  On his feet he wore grey sneakers which looked like they were once white, but that was only once upon a time, a long time ago and in a land far far away.  By the time his hobbled walk led him to her, she pulled out a can of soda which he quickly put in his pocket and then put his hands together, as if in prayer, and thanked her.  He took one more scan around the train and exited the car at the next station.  

And although I made eye contact with him but only twice within a few minutes, this man reminded me of all the times when I would ignore folks asking for money and avert my eyes.  

I got off the train and I felt sad. My heart ached for the rest of that evening recognizing the privilege I have to own my own home, have a good and stable job, and have people I can turn to regularly for support.  I thought about him all night while I was dancing.  I felt helpless thinking about him as he was probably limping along in his journey like many folks do who aren't privileged enough to even be seen.  

So, I make this ask.  Please join me in making eye contact with folks who ask for money and food.  Even for a brief second, people need to be seen.