Paying Attention to the Bright Pink Flag

I started this year on a journey of radical self care, and enlisted several of my friends to support me on this path. It was easy to get their support as I posted something on my blog last week, spoke with friends on the phone, connected with them on social media, and met them in person to talk about my goals. 

To my surprise, many of my friends replied in the same way. The collective response was, "I'm so glad you are focusing to take more care of yourself!"   

In these conversations, texts, and emails, I realized that I missed my friends so much.  I wondered how could I cultivate more time to spend with them.  In one interesting phone call, I discovered the answer.  

Just last week, I was on the phone with a friend sharing a problem that I was facing. My friend paused me for a second, and told me I was slipping backwards in my journey of radical self care.  My focus in the conversation was less on me and more on the person I was trying to help.  My friend then told me, in the most gentlest way, that I was not seeing the warning signs. I kept making excuses for what would be red flags because I was too focused on wanting to be helpful. 

As you might expect, I was troubled by this. I argued there were no red flags. The issues exhibited by the person I was trying to help were minor. 

My friend retorted by saying perhaps I could pay attention to the bright pink flags that can easily and quickly turn to red flags. Bam!  I just got served a hot juicy plate of a reality that was just outside my worldview. Why should I wait for the red flags at all?  

After that phone call, I wondered how many bright pink flags have I ignored and then was later surprised to see glaringly dangerous red flags in their place.  If I didn't spend so much time making excuses for people with bright pink flags, how much time could I save?  How much time did I lose every day, week and year?  What if I saved that time (and energy) and spent it on me, or on friends that I really care about?

In 2014, I am drawing the proverbial line in the sand. No more bright pink flags for me please. 

The First Step to Self-Care: A New Year's Resolution

Happy New Year!

It is a common practice for many people to create a new year’s resolution.  It is also very common for people to never have a resolution.  I fall into this last category.  I don't recall ever having a resolution.  Don't get me wrong, I have made many transformative changes over the years, but I have never used January as a starting point.  Perhaps it's because I think in terms of an academic school year, where the new year starts in September.

Interestingly, I spent the end of 2013 on a short vacation, away from my normal life and returned with a new sense of self.  As I enter my new calendar year, and my new school semesters (as a student and a teacher), I am considering creating my first new year's resolution.  Check it out.

 

I spent the last few years focusing on the needs of others (colleagues, friends, family, and strangers). Although I'm not close to being like Mother Theresa, I did adopt an older child (19), loaned and gave money to friends and family, gave a car to a friend, fed the homeless, and donated to several charities. This year, I am hoping to volunteer with SAGE. 
Like you, my journey into feminism has taught me many things.  I have learned to empower people around me, putting my own ego aside.  Unfortunately, I didn't learn the other side of feminism, which is to radically take care self.  I have on many occasions put my needs aside creating an imbalance in my life. So, my resolution is to focus inward and cultivate more self-care.  Ironically, I know that helping others is a strong motivation for me, so I am hopeful that blogging my journey will help others, and therefore motivate me to keep focusing on self-care.   

By blogging, I will hold myself accountable to the invisible audience and critics in my head.  I will post an entry once a week on a Tuesday for at least 4 weeks.  Knowing that you could be reading this, and this might inspire you, helps keep my motivation up.  So please check this out and let me know what you think.  I could always use feedback and encouragement.

And if this does inspire you to cultivate more self-care this season, so let it be!

Happy New Year, and enjoy your resolution if you have one.  If not, enjoy mine!