Thursday, July 30, 2015

It's Not About Walter


 
 
Today, I learned a lot about myself after learning about Walter J. Palmer, a dentist who is sorry for having illegally hunted a well-known and liked lion named Cecil.  This post is an unfiltered thought process that I am sharing with you (regardless of your in/out group status). 
 
From all that I could gather, it seems that many people are upset with Walter for killing an animal that was loved and connected to many human animals.  The upset is so much that his dental practice is taking a hit.  Apparently many of his former patients have claimed to no longer use his services.   His website and other digital connections have been bombarded and shut down.  Seems like a cyber-mob has been cast upon him based on his actions. 
 
I have two thoughts about this.

1. Like many posts later in the day, I wonder what it might be like if we were to have this kind of passion behind the continuous killings of mostly black men in the U.S.  I suppose that is a different subject all together as it is easy to pinpoint Walter as one person for this violence, whereas the shootings of the many black folks were not done by one person alone, but by a large and complex institution.  This seems to make it difficult to know where to put the blame.  Should all cops be blamed for the murders?  Of course not, even though some people seem to believe so.  Should the police officer in question be held accountable (as in the recent case where Officer Tensing shot and killed Sam Dubose, see below)?  Of course, but that in of itself is short sighted.  The larger institution and culture needs to shift, otherwise, as the past has shown, this will continue. 
 
 
2. Staying focused on Walter's enacted violence, I can't help but to feel saddened that people are seeking some sort of revenge on him for illegally hunting and killing a well-known and liked animal.  I feel sad because of two larger points are not in the conscious dialogue that I have read thus far. 
 
a)      It saddens me to see that many folks are focused on the point that this was an “illegal” hunt/kill. I don't think that illegally hunting and killing a well-known and liked animal is the problem.  Any hunting and killing of nonhuman animals is the problem.  Whether this was done legally or illegally should not be the question, although I can understand that we must work within the policies and laws.  However, like Hebrew National states in their commercials, isn't there a higher power with a set of laws that we might consider?  If it were legal to hunt people for sport or food, would that make it ok?  I don't think so. 
b)      I also saddened by the response of folks online.  Many people who are offended by Walter’s choice to hunt illegally (even if he states that it was by accident), are outraged, as they should be.  However, this outrage, for many, has turned into statements of wanting him to be hunted and killed.  Some posts on FB has stated that they would like to see his life ruined since he illegally hunted and killed Cecil the lion.  This kind of reaction is normal, and yet makes me sad.


It appears to me that compassion is what Walter was lacking, and in turn, many of us are lacking in compassion when considering his fate.  Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. said that darkness cannot drive out darkness, only light can do that.  In this case, I think that compassion is what we need to consider while still holding Walter accountable for his actions.  Of course, I can’t really hold him accountable for anything, but I can be accountable for my own thoughts and actions.  And like the many people online who are ranting and raving, I wonder if there is a chance for them to show some compassion and not join Walter in his journey of destruction, rather perhaps feel for what it might be like for him to endure this mistake.  I do hope that he learns from it, yet I think he needs that chance to be able to learn from it.  If it were up to some of the folks who posted online today, he would not have a chance as he would have been beheaded.

 
In/Out Group Thinking
So I couldn’t stop thinking about the bigger picture here.  How is hunting for nonhuman animals somehow justified?  How do we justify wanting Walter’s head as a trophy?  How do we find ourselves supporting one cause over another?  What kind of thinking makes us able to do this?  
 
In and Out group thinking is what allows us to do this.  We generally unconsciously consider in and out group statuses as it relates to us. 
In this case, Walter viewed Cecil the lion as part of an out group, thus allowing him to enact violence on him without much compassion or empathy and with joy and excitement.  Walter’s haters have decided that he is part of their out group, and thus can easily wish him harm without remorse and with vigor.
In group and out group thinking is powerful and pervasive.  When I consider all the choices I make, I realize each choice has been filtered through my unconscious barometer of in/out group testing.  The posts I choose to read, the ones that I “like” or “share,” the people I call friends, the homeless people I am willing to make eye contact with on the subway are all filtered as safe or unsafe through my in/out group lens. 
I suppose in many ways, Walter is part of my out group.  I don’t know him, and probably never will.  It is safe to hate him, just like he supposedly thought it was safe to hunt Cecil.   However, I think my response to what he did really isn’t about him.  It’s about my response to people who I consider as part of my out group.  Walter may have seen Cecil as part of his out group and thereby felt justified to cause so much harm.  Am I willing to do that with the many members of my out group?  I sincerely hope not.
 

Thank you for reading my thoughts.  Please let me know if you have any questions or if you have any triggered thoughts yourself.

Monday, April 28, 2014

Three Satirical and Powerful Must See Videos

You gotta check out these videos, if you haven't already!

From Frozen to Blurred Lines, these parodies don't just poke fun at the song, but at a larger institutional and cultural bias in regards to gender.  The last video is a parody of the song Royal that illuminates what I have been thinking for a long time in regards to who gets what roles in the big box office movies.

I hope you enjoy and share these videos with others!

Ever wondered how a feminist might view each Disney Princess's journey? 
Warning: This video includes Stockholm Syndrome!
 
Stockholm Syndrome is when the victim or survivor empathizes with the abuser.
 
There are no Blurred Lines in this Video! 
This video makes it very clear what is a Sex Criiiiiiiime!
 
Ever wonder what it looks like behind the scenes when women of color audition for roles?
Perhaps this video offers some insights as to what might be going on in the industry.

Tuesday, January 14, 2014

Paying Attention to the Bright Pink Flag

I started this year on a journey of radical self care, and enlisted several of my friends to support me on this path. It was easy to get their support as I posted something on my blog last week, spoke with friends on the phone, connected with them on social media, and met them in person to talk about my goals. 

To my surprise, many of my friends replied in the same way. The collective response was, "I'm so glad you are focusing to take more care of yourself!"   

In these conversations, texts, and emails, I realized that I missed my friends so much.  I wondered how could I cultivate more time to spend with them.  In one interesting phone call, I discovered the answer.  

Just last week, I was on the phone with a friend sharing a problem that I was facing. My friend paused me for a second, and told me I was slipping backwards in my journey of radical self care.  My focus in the conversation was less on me and more on the person I was trying to help.  My friend then told me, in the most gentlest way, that I was not seeing the warning signs. I kept making excuses for what would be red flags because I was too focused on wanting to be helpful. 

As you might expect, I was troubled by this. I argued there were no red flags. The issues exhibited by the person I was trying to help were minor. 

My friend retorted by saying perhaps I could pay attention to the bright pink flags that can easily and quickly turn to red flags. Bam!  I just got served a hot juicy plate of a reality that was just outside my worldview. Why should I wait for the red flags at all?  

After that phone call, I wondered how many bright pink flags have I ignored and then was later surprised to see glaringly dangerous red flags in their place.  If I didn't spend so much time making excuses for people with bright pink flags, how much time could I save?  How much time did I lose every day, week and year?  What if I saved that time (and energy) and spent it on me, or on friends that I really care about?

In 2014, I am drawing the proverbial line in the sand. No more bright pink flags for me please. 


Monday, January 6, 2014

The First Step to Self-Care: A New Year's Resolution

Happy New Year!

It is a common practice for many people to create a new year’s resolution.  It is also very common for people to never have a resolution.  I fall into this last category.  I don't recall ever having a resolution.  Don't get me wrong, I have made many transformative changes over the years, but I have never used January as a starting point.  Perhaps it's because I think in terms of an academic school year, where the new year starts in September.

Interestingly, I spent the end of 2013 on a short vacation, away from my normal life and returned with a new sense of self.  As I enter my new calendar year, and my new school semesters (as a student and a teacher), I am considering creating my first new year's resolution.  Check it out.
 

I spent the last few years focusing on the needs of others (colleagues, friends, family, and strangers). Although I'm not close to being like Mother Theresa, I did adopt an older child (19), loaned and gave money to friends and family, gave a car to a friend, fed the homeless, and donated to several charities. This year, I am hoping to volunteer with SAGE. 
Like you, my journey into feminism has taught me many things.  I have learned to empower people around me, putting my own ego aside.  Unfortunately, I didn't learn the other side of feminism, which is to radically take care self.  I have on many occasions put my needs aside creating an imbalance in my life. So, my resolution is to focus inward and cultivate more self-care.  Ironically, I know that helping others is a strong motivation for me, so I am hopeful that blogging my journey will help others, and therefore motivate me to keep focusing on self-care.   

By blogging, I will hold myself accountable to the invisible audience and critics in my head.  I will post an entry once a week on a Tuesday for at least 4 weeks.  Knowing that you could be reading this, and this might inspire you, helps keep my motivation up.  So please check this out and let me know what you think.  I could always use feedback and encouragement.

And if this does inspire you to cultivate more self-care this season, so let it be!

Happy New Year, and enjoy your resolution if you have one.  If not, enjoy mine!

Monday, November 18, 2013

Rap - Homophobia: Say What?

Prefer your rap minus the homophobia? Well, use the following link to find a list of queer rap artists.  It's nice to have variety, wouldn't you say?

http://www.salon.com/2013/11/16/10_queer_rappers_you_should_be_listening_to_instead_of_eminem/

Warning: Just because the artists fall in the queer continuum, doesn't mean that they are any less sexist, racist, specieism or classist. 

Thursday, August 15, 2013

Black Feminists: Won't You Be My Neighbor?

One of my neighbors learned recently that I adopted two 22 year old black men who are living with me.  I mentioned that my second "child," who just moved in had to adjust to so many things as I am vegan and a feminist.

She sent me a thoughtful and lengthy email, which included a video link to a discussion about Black Feminists.  I think she was concerned and confused.  Below this is part of the email I wrote her after painfully listening to the hour long video.  Please let me know what you think.

The video she sent me is: http://youtu.be/8mJMjIHmsZ8
Quote from the Tariq Nasheed:
"You are a black woman, but you are a feminist."

Please brace yourself before you watch it.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Portion of the email I sent her:

I had a difficult time listening to Tariq as he started his show being verbally abusive towards a woman and perpetuated misogynistic perspectives from a "Man up" lens.

Feminism is not about men and women treating each other badly.  Feminism, as you know, is about the strive for equality for both men and women on an institutional, interpersonal and internalized level.  Domestic and Dating Violence or simply unhealthy relationships is only one part of the issue.  Tony Porter does a great job speaking about DV. He speaks eloquently about these issues and helped open my eyes to learning about how race impacts dating violence.   Please check him out using this link:   http://www.youtube.com/results?search_query=tony+porter&oq=tony+porter&gs_l=youtube.3..35i39j0i5.339606.341252.0.341417.11.11.0.0.0.0.116.752.10j1.11.0...0.0...1ac.1.11.youtube.2SN93NHZwp4

I do appreciate Tariq's ability to stay neutral with his callers as well as challenge them to think more critically about the issues.  He clearly is interested in helping people, and that is commendable.  However, I find his sexist language unchecked and sometimes quite offensive. 

To my mind, he is certainly doing good work on race relations, but I imagine he can think more about the sexist and heterosexism and transphobic paradigm he continues to perpetuate unintentionally.  Feminism is not about being less of a man, but being more.  I don't wear dresses or kilts and I have not asked my boys to do the same.  What I do is ask them to do is reconsider what it means to be a man. 

Being a feminist is not about being feminine, gay or simply standing up for women.  Being a feminist is about standing up for human rights.  Many of Tariq's underlying themes relate to social justice and equality.  So, I would submit that if Tariq learned more about feminism, sexual orientation (hetero and homo- sexualities), he would probably be a more effective leader.  He might even identify as a feminist, like President Obama does.  Based on this link, it appears he is in denial of his homophobia and transphobia.  He labeled a perspective as a lesbian perspective, when that is not the case.  He continues to say "sexual preference" when it is "sexual orientation."  These are some examples of why I think he could do well to learn a little more about LGBT issues as well as what the true meaning of feminism.

Tariq said, "Black feminism is an oxymoron."  I don't understand what he means.  He is misinformed, albeit well intentioned.  I hope he continues, as I have, to learn about social justice and the ways pop culture portrays feminism,  and racism in juxtaposition with actual feminism and racism.  A black feminist is a man or woman or child who identifies as black and is interested in equal rights for all people.  It used to be that a feminist was only interested in creating equal rights for men and women, but that was a long time ago.  Feminism is about equal rights for all.

I so appreciate you sharing this video/link with me as it helped me think through more of the positions people take when they have only part of the story.  I look forward to seeing how Tariq continues in his journey of helping people, as his heart and spirit is certainly well intentioned and we need more people like him.

And, you probably already know this, but I have found that many people confuse feminism and being
feminine.  Feminism, as previously discussed is a movement for equality for all, (though many defnitions still incorrectly state that it is in particular for women). 

Being feminine is different.  Femininity is about the traits generally associated with being a woman or a girl including roles and behaviors.  Of course, some men and women are feminine, but that doesn't mean they are feminists and vice versa.  Some feminists have long hair, wear dresses, make up and the like, while many, especially the men, don't. 

I think of it in this way.  Feminist = Equality while Feminine = Dress Up.  Some people who fight for equality do dress up, but not all.  Some people who dress up fight for equality, but not all.  AND many men who are feminists are quite masculine and butch.  And of course, a few women who are feminists can be masculine and butch as well.

Please check out the following videos about Feminism, Race and Masculinity:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=p7woNwM4_J8 - Condoleezza Rice: My Father was  Feminist
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3YA13GNT8Mc  - This is What a Feminist Looks Like
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hg3umXU_qWc - We Should All Be Feminists
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nOQZqCGHctE - I Am a Man: Black Masculinity in America
http://www.itvs.org/films/hip-hop - Intro to Hip Hop: Beyond Beats and Rhymes
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OKq0MwnMGcU&list=PLCC77DC92A01D4A41 - Gloria Steinem Supports President Obama
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3exzMPT4nGI - Tough Guise: Violence, Media, and the Crisis in Masculinity

Sunday, August 11, 2013

Can You See Me Now?

I entered the D train to head into Manhattan for some dancing and fun.  As I checked the subway map, I accidentally bumped into the person behind me.  I didn't see him there, so I apologized.  He nodded a polite smile at me.  When I sat down, I  realized he was standing in the same spot while holding a cardboard sign.  He wore a grey tshirt with the American flag on it and what appeared to be a heavy bag on his back.  He cleared his throat as if it had been dry for years except for the bitter tears that sometimes trickled in by accident.  Looking at the passengers on the train, he apologized for interrupting and intruding on his fellow citizens' time.  He continued to speak, though I could hardly hear him through the headphones tucked neatly into my freshly showered ears.  I watched his lips and body move.  He expressed himself humbly with intent on asking for the generosity of strangers.  

As he spoke, I watched the various subway riders in the car. There were about 25 people, excluding me, looking down at their phones, books or feet.  It felt as though the severity of his case was too heavy for people to lift their eyes to gaze upon him, but  I looked.  

His face appeared kind and sunken.  The stubble on his face were sparse and spaced apart like the luck he had seen in his life.  The tight curls of his dark hair clung closely to his scalp like the way a child clusters close to his family.  His smile seemed genuine though forced through hours, days, weeks or years of hardship.  

I felt moved to want to hear what he had to say, so I removed one of my ear buds and lowered the volume of the bubbly music I chose for this subway ride.  I caught one line out of his short plea.  He said, " I've been walking for miles today trying to get some money to buy food and thought I might have better luck on the train." He then thanked us and scanned the train for some activity of generosity.  A woman in the middle of the car wrestled in her bright red Prada bag for something.  

With hope in his eyes, he continued to do what he had been doing all day and walked with a slight limp over to his benefactor. His shifty gait made me look at his legs and then his feet.  On his feet he wore grey sneakers which looked like they were once white, but that was only once upon a time, a long time ago and in a land far far away.  By the time his hobbled walk led him to her, she pulled out a can of soda which he quickly put in his pocket and then put his hands together, as if in prayer, and thanked her.  He took one more scan around the train and exited the car at the next station.  

And although I made eye contact with him but only twice within a few minutes, this man reminded me of all the times when I would ignore folks asking for money and avert my eyes.  

I got off the train and I felt sad. My heart ached for the rest of that evening recognizing the privilege I have to own my own home, have a good and stable job, and have people I can turn to regularly for support.  I thought about him all night while I was dancing.  I felt helpless thinking about him as he was probably limping along in his journey like many folks do who aren't privileged enough to even be seen.  

So, I make this ask.  Please join me in making eye contact with folks who ask for money and food.  Even for a brief second, people need to be seen.